I‘ve been off the radar for a bit of time when it comes to finishing the Shame-Free Revolution Parenting Program. It has taken a lot of time and work…more than I expected. But I want to provide quality and effective information for helping parents find real and lasting principles for parenting well.
I still have more work to do, but below is an excerpt I want to share with you. As part of the program, there will be a document that you receive which outlines 24 shame-based parenting practices. These are adapted from work done by Alice Miller, who has been an advocate for protecting children from abusive parenting practices. This list is good for all of us to read and ask ourselves if we believe any of them. Most of us have been exposed to some shame as children, so open your mind and see if you can benefit from this:
24 shame-based parenting beliefs that must be done away with:
1) Adults are the masters (not the servants!) of the dependent child.
2) Adults determine in godlike fashion what is right and what is wrong.
3) The child is held responsible for adults’ anger.
4) The parents must always be shielded and protected.
5) The child’s life-affirming feelings pose a threat to adults.
6) The child’s will must be “broken” as soon as possible.
7) A feeling of duty produces love.
8) Hatred can be done away with by forbidding it.
9) Parents deserve respect simply because they’re parents.
10) Children are undeserving of respect simply because they’re children.
11) Obedience makes a child strong.
12) A high degree of self-esteem is harmful.
13) A low degree of self-esteem makes a person altruistic.
14) Tenderness is harmful.
15) Responding to a child’s needs is wrong.
16) Severity and coldness are a good preparation for life.
17) A pretense of gratitude is better than honest ingratitude.
18) The way you behave is more important than the way you really are.
19) Neither parents nor God would survive being offended.
20) The body is something dirty and disgusting.
21) Strong feelings are harmful.
22) Parents are creatures free of drives and guilt.
23) Parents are always right.
24) The child must learn these lessons at a very early age, so the child
“won’t notice” and will therefore not be able to expose adults.